12 thoughts you have while using Tinder in rural Ireland

Assuming you can get enough signal, that is

1. They’ve already swiped you left in real life.

Image: Tinder
Image: Tinder

One day, virtual reality will make this actually possible.

2. You wonder if the tractor in the background of their profile picture is for sale.

You can plough my field anyday.

3. This prick mocked your hair when you were 7.

Child sticking tongue out (Istock)

You can’t really talk there, mate

4. You wonder if they’ll let your cows graze on their land.

A cow's opinion

Because they’ve already shat all over yours.

5. You think about deleting the app and cuddling a sheep to cure your loneliness.

Sheep hug

Dolly feels your pain.

6. You realise you can’t go out with them because your grandfathers had a feud over a goose in 1979.

iStock Goose

Or possibly 1975. Or 1981. Your grandad will debate this for at least two hours before telling the story.

7. The first date is going to be awkward because your goat stole their washing last week.

Goat in a hat


Suits him, though

8. You’re glad you live in a rural area because the lack of phone coverage means your needy messages won’t get through.

iPhone text message


9. Your go-to chat up line is “I’ve got enough rope to pull you out of any bog.”

stuck in mud

(Please don’t ever take me up on this).

10. If their opening message isn’t a quote from their favourite prayer, you don’t know how to proceed.

Woman with bible

She’s got a burning bush, if you know what I mean

11. You ask how deep their slurry pit is, and it isn’t a euphemism.

mud pumping

Mmm. Slurry.

12. You realise it’s not the size of the farm that matters, but the size of their heart.

Ed: I am genuinely sorry to have added to the download count on this particular stock photo

Swipe on, brave villager. One day, you might get a match.