Facebook recently changed the RSVP buttons on events – again. “Maybe” is now the overly-positive “interested,” and where we once had “Not going,” followed by “Can’t go,” the “No” option is now called “Ignore.”
We’re glad to see “Can’t go” disappear, because it was making liars of all of us. Everyone knows that 9 times out of 10, you’re not rejecting an invitation because you genuinely can’t go, but because you don’t want to, can’t be arsed or would rather watch RuPaul in your pants. “Ignore” makes more sense, but it still doesn’t really do justice to our lazy, antisocial selves. So we’ve come up with 10 better options that people might actually use. You’re welcome, Zuckerberg.
1. Can go, but want to sadly eat junk food because you’re more successful than me.
Can you just, like, fail a bit more?
2. Can go, but don’t want to get dressed or interact with humans.
People are the worst.
3. Can go, but we have already angrily stared at each other in work for 8 hours today.
And I’ve heard all your anecdotes.
4. Can go, but my phone battery is 6%.
I just don’t enjoy parties if I can’t be on Twitter at the same time.
5. Can go, but don’t want to be the punchline to everyone’s joke.
Yes, that is my real hair.
6. Can go, but am too busy thinking about the concept of death.
Hello darkness, my old friend.
7. Can go, but your house smells like cabbage.
Your clothes do too, FYI.
8. Can go, but don’t know what present to buy you. Do you still like Tamogotchis?
So, er, do you still know Mrs. Taylor from year 4 Maths?
9. Can go, but only if your evil cat stays outside.
And by outside, I mean outside London.
10. We’re friends on social media but I hate you.
(Though I’ll still look at your photos. Especially the ones of this party, which looked totally lame and I’m glad I missed it to hang out on the sofa with my misanthropy.)
Main image © iStock/s-cphoto