We’ve de-sexifed 11 ‘sexy’ Halloween costumes

It wasn't easy - some of these ideas just scream sex

Sometimes at Halloween you want to dress up as something that’s so inherently filled with sex appeal, so unbelievably naturally inviting to the fantasies of every man and woman that you feel like you have no choice but to accept that your only choice is to wear a costume that is in no way October-cold appropriate. Well, we’re here to help. It was a difficult job, believe us, but we’ve managed to put together some less sexy versions of some incredibly sexy things so that you have a choice this Halloween.

11. Sexy Pizza Rat

Pizza is pretty sexy on its own. But when you combine it with the shiny fur and wiry tail of a rat? Well…

Our version shows a little less skin, but it also has the benefit of not costing £50.

10. Sexy Corn

There’s nothing like corn, slathering it in butter, cooking it on a grill. That kind of sexy translates well onto a person, right?

Our unsexy version comes with more realistic corn, a butter dish for slathering, and we’ve even thought to put in skewers and a plate for you to pop yourself in when everyone gets hungry at the party.

9. Sexy Carrot

Orange, crunchy, and they help you see in the dark. Bugs Bunny would be keen.

We advise that when you put our costume on, you coat yourself in water and make your skin extra shiny to tell people you’re a boiled carrot. That should calm them down a bit.

8. Sexy Elephant

They say elephants never forget, and that’s pretty sexy right?

We advise you really play up the smell and loose skin in when you wear our costume. And wave your arm around like a trunk, everyone loves that.

7. Sexy Referee

Because everyone fancies the referee. That’s all you hear, right? It must be the authority.

For our costume, we advise you include your own beleaguered look and entourage of angry football fans.

6. Sexy Wolf

We think the only way to make a wolf not sexy is to take inspiration from the fairytale. Take your grandmother’s nightgown and cap and be on your way.

5) Sexy Barista

It’s in the job description, isn’t it? “Must be hotter than the coffee you’re serving.” For extra authenticity, pair our version with a look of utter exasperation when someone orders a macchiato without knowing what one is.

4. Sexy Pac Man Ghost

While the ‘sexy’ version might be some people’s digital fantasy, we think it makes a lot more sense to wear proper shoes if you’re going to be doing any chasing.

3) Sexy Spongebob

We’re not sure we can even engage with this one on a sarcastic level. There was also sexy Patrick, but we can’t. We just can’t.

2) Sexy Grapes

The most attractive of all the fruits. Go as a single grape, they’re not as alluring on their own.

1) Sexy Viking

Raid and pillage like you’ve always dreamed, with armour that actually covers your vulnerable bits. Imagine that.

We hope this takes some of the pressure off this Halloween. It’s not your fault everything is just so damn sexy.


Images via Yandy.com