Like many nerds, I’m much more of an internet shopper than an in-person sort. Who can be doing with foot-ache, queues and other people when you could be sitting on the living room floor in a tea-stained crop top and shorts with your cats? No contest.
Since I can’t buy all the things I want without bankrupting myself, I’m soothing the itch to buy by sharing them. I mean, I’ll probably still splurge, but at least now I feel like I’ve shared the burden. Retail therapy loves company.
Here’s what I’m lusting after at the moment.
1. Moana dress
Have you seen Moana? Because if not, close this tab and watch it immediately. It’s so good. It made me cry and cry laughing. It stars The Rock, for goodness’ sake. And the music – you’ll be singing it for the rest of your life, because it’s by the Hamilton guy.
So, yes, I’m a fan. And therefore this gorgeous Moana-themed dress from EMP (whoever introduced me to this site, thanks for all the credit card debt, you beautiful git) is right up my alley.
The otamatone is a completely daft-looking Japanese instrument with an adorable face, and I want one. Even though, like my ocarina, I’ll probably never learn to play it.
From specialist retailers and Amazon.
3. ‘Correlation is not causation’ t-shirt
I look bloody awful in t-shirts, but I really need this. I want to wear it all the time and just point to it every time I read the headlines.
It’s £12.97 from the excellently-named Robot Rave.
4. Beauty Hacks
I’m perpetually caught between my love of great eye makeup and my all-encompassing laziness. The premise of this book therefore appeals quite strongly: it promises to demonstrate quick and easy ways to look like a goddess.
I’m a little sceptical that the tricks will actually work (especially as one of them seems to be “rub an ice cube on your face” – never gonna happen) but I’d like to find out. Unfortunately, I’m too lazy to order it.
£9.99 from Firebox.
5. Samsung Dex
I keep telling myself I really don’t need this, but I so want it. It’s an impressive little docking station that turns your Samsung Galaxy S8 (or Plus) into an actual computer. You need a monitor and peripherals, obvs, but given that the Plus has better specs than my work laptop, it’s an appealing proposition.
The smartphone-as-desktop thing has been tried before, but never with so much panache. No, it’s not strictly necessary and it probably won’t sell that well, but since when did desire listen to reason? Want.